Clearing Clutter

Posted by on Apr 22, 2015 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

beckyTime to get personal about my journey with the art of clearing clutter. You see, clearing clutter has never been an issue for me. It’s always been easy for me to move or get rid of stuff, to let go of things I’m no longer using or needing. Prior to six months ago I would have considered myself to be a master at clearing and keeping my space clean of stagnant energy, but life has a funny way of bringing you to a new threshold of learning right when you decide you’ve mastered something. Oh thank you universe for continually humbling me.

 

Let me share with you how the universe taught me I had more learning to do around letting go. First, I’ve gotta back up and give you some personal history. When I was 23 my mom died unexpectedly. We didn’t have the best relationship, mostly because her childhood was so bad, but regardless of our tensions, I was shocked and traumatized by her death. Super intense. Shortly after her death I decided to move home and be with my dad, or at least that’s what I told myself. Now looking back I think I moved home because I was in a deep depression and wanted to escape from life, retreat home and hide away from the world. And that’s what I did. I spent three years living at home, not really working expect for some odd jobs here and there, not taking care of myself, watching way too much television, self-medicating and really not telling any of my friends what was going on with me. I did a lot of avoiding difficult topics, late nights of self-loathing, and neglecting of my health. It was a dark time that went on way too long. What eventually got me out of that house was a rather irresponsible decision to travel to Europe for three months with a friend from college who was also looking to shake things up in their life. That “friend” is my husband today. Yep, we went to Europe, had a blast, became best friends, became lovers, fell deeply in love, came home, and a year later got married. Going to Europe was exactly what I needed. I needed to shake up my system and get out of my deep depressed rut. I felt different when I came home. I had a new purpose, I was in love with my best friend, and we were starting to plan our life together. We decided to move across the country to the PNW and start fresh. This coincided with my dad’s decision to move out of the house that he had lived in with my mom for the past ten-plus years. This house was oozing with her energy. She had a bit of a hoarding problem. She loved to collect so many things, like beanie babies. She had over five hundred. Glassware – two cabinets full. Teddy bears – hundreds. Stuff stuff stuff, everywhere. And so began the great de-cluttering of 2011. But really, it was a project! And my husband helped the whole way. We had a huge yard sale, we put up lots of ads on craigslist and ebay. Over a couple months we were able to get rid of almost everything that had belonged to my mother. I loved it! Not to sound cold hearted, but it felt so great to let go of things, of my mother’s death and my difficult childhood with her. To let go of where I grew up and to open up space for my future with my new husband and new geography. I promised to never live in an environment so loaded with things, with stuff. I told myself I was going to have a better life with a better home. I was quite certain of that.

 

And I did create that life for myself – a beautiful family in a new beautiful town with a beautiful house put together exactly as I wanted. It was at the beginning of this new transition that I found feng shui. Or should I say feng shui found me? I ate it up. I cleared and I cleared and I cleared. I decorated and arranged and fell in love and felt the deep calling to help others find this healing work. And I am ever so grateful for that. Things were just fine and dandy. I was an ardent student of feng shui teachings and as I stated at the beginning of this post, I considered myself a master at clearing.

 

But then about six months ago I started having these vivid dreams about my old house, the one I had cleared and left. After the first couple dreams I started to get annoyed. “I don’t want to dream about that place…I hate that place…it was covered in clutter and not the kind of energy I want around me”. Then the dreams got more intense. In one dream I was so stubborn that as soon as I realized I was at my old house, I refused to go inside, saying “I’m done here, I don’t like this place”. Then I could hear my mother’s voice telling me I needed to go inside because my father needed my help. So inside I go and he tells me he’s not cleared from the house. After that particular dream I woke feeling pleased with myself thinking, “Oh…I’m having these dreams because my father hasn’t let go of the house…this isn’t about me.” HA! So a few weeks after that I had another dream, and this time there is an older couple living in the house. Again I became very stubborn and refused to go inside, but I was approached by the old lady and she brings me to the porch where I see that there are pictures of my mother everywhere. She tells me that she’s fixed everything up really nice. Then I go inside and all of the things that were a part of my mother’s collections (all the things I cleared) are back in the house and very neatly and perfectly put away in beautiful cabinets. At first I was horrified. “Wait, I thought I got rid of all this stuff…I don’t want these things anymore.” And then something softens in me. I’m somehow able to see them as my mother saw them, little beautiful treasures that made her happy and safe. I walked through the house gently marveling at all I was seeing. When I awoke it was evident and so clear to me what these dreams were showing me. I had not cleared anything. I had done it physically, but most definitely not emotionally. In fact, the only emotions I had carried were disgust and pride. I had looked down on my mother for having these things. I had built myself up to be better for deciding to get rid of these things and to not have clutter in my own life. My heart had been hard though the process. The dreams had brought me to a place of softening. I had compassion for my mother, and I had compassion for the house that held her energy. And that was the letting go part. An honoring of the space needed to take place, a humility needed to flow.

 

And that’s the essence of clearing clutter that I want to share with you right now. We clear clutter physically and we clear it emotionally. The outer affects the inner and there’s just no way around that. Harshness, pride and forceful determination will not lead you to clearing. An open heart, compassion and surrender will. I know that clearing clutter is an art, because it takes openness and practice. I also know that it can be difficult and scary. I believe that to allow ourselves to fully feel what we’re feeling is one of the most courageous things we can do as humans. So, my advice: be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you clear clutter. Try your best to reach out and connect with your surroundings, with your things. Realize they are an extension of yourself. The way we do anything is the way we do everything. So clearing clutter is not a race and doesn’t need to be done in any particular way. Find what works for you and by all means please please please ask for support when you need it. That also takes great courage.

 

My work is designed to aid people in this process and I am now offering personal one on one sessions to help you understand the connection between your inner and outer world. I would feel honored to work with you!

BeckyInLight

 

3 Comments

  1. Beautiful!!! Thank you :-)

  2. That made me cry a little… So touching. I can relate so much :)Clutter is so much more than just “stuff”..

  3. It made me cry a lot. Thank you.

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